


jimmy magma just joined. party’s over.

by earlharlans



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: (nothing happens for that last one tim just makes some jokes), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Brace yourself, Canon-Typical Stuttering, Canon-Typical Worms (The Magnus Archives), Crack, Crack Taken Seriously, Discord Au, Drunk Texting, F/F, Good Cows, Little a fluff as a treat, M/M, Other, Pining, Texting, The Mechanisms Were The Archivist's College Band, author is unfortunately american pls be understanding, canon isn’t real it cannot hurt you here, cw: alcohol + swearing + typos + panic attacks + food mention + mild sexual content, drinking game: take a shot every time tim bullies martin for being gay, i love how that’s a tag, oh yeah there’s lots of gay jokes cause this is just how my friends and i talk, slow burn but speed run at the same time, the other avatars mostly show up as server bots, tim types exactly like i do bc i said so
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:55:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24881152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earlharlans/pseuds/earlharlans
Summary: ♡Sasha♡: Tim i just messaged youtim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): bet!tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): LMAOOKGDJDBDHS FUCK OH MY GODHDGStim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): HIS FACE IM ABOUT TO LOSE IT SHSBDBS MARTIK IN THE BACKGTOUND TOOtim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): FUCK IM GONNS PISS MY PANTS THATS PERFECTSFSor: the archives staff make a discord server. it goes exactly how you would expect.
Relationships: Basira Hussain/Alice "Daisy" Tonner, Elias Bouchard/Peter Lukas, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Melanie King/Georgie Barker
Comments: 130
Kudos: 681





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ik there’s a lot of tags so i’ll put the cw here as well: alcohol, swearing, typos, panic attacks, stuttering, food mention, mild sexual content (nothing happens for that last one tim just makes some jokes)
> 
> if any of that isn’t your cup of tea feel free to click away

**archives gang, #general**

**_♡Sasha♡ just joined. Can I get a heal?_ **

**_keats just arrived. Seems OP - please nerf._ **

**_Cheers, love! Jonathan is here!_ **

slut for maltesers: ok that’s all i’m adding for now

slut for maltesers: ohhh wait should we change our display names to our actual names to be professional LMAODJDHD

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): sorry about that guys xoxo anyways welcome to the archives discord server

Jonathan: Do I want to know?

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): what can i say i love maltesers

Jonathan: This was a mistake.

Martin 🌿: probably, yeah.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): okay soooo i might keep the general for just chatter and making plans outside of work and then make another channel for work stuff

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): because we love being organized in this house

Martin 🌿: let me know if you need help setting anything up! <3 i mod for another server :)

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): martin i love you

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): i would literally do anything for you

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): youre too good for us

Martin 🌿: aaaaa thank you !! :’)

♡Sasha♡: Martin appreciation hours?

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): martin appreciate hours!!!!!!!!!

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): jon’s being awfully quiet right now 😳

♡Sasha♡: Inch resting

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): don’t be shy boss! i saw you typing! wanna finish that thought? wanna share with the class?

Jonathan: I just think you all have more important things to be doing right now.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): damn ok we get it you hate us

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): this is still work-related don’t @ me

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): what should i make the server icon

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): does anyone have any good cursed images of us

♡Sasha♡: Oh you KNOW i do

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): YESSS SASHA COME THRU

♡Sasha♡: Hold on i think i have this one of jon

Jonathan: Please. Don’t do this.

♡Sasha♡: Tim i just messaged you

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): bet!

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): LMAOOKGDJDBDHS FUCK OH MY GODHDGS

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): HIS FACE IM ABOUT TO LOSE IT SHSBDBS MARTIK IN THE BACKGTOUND TOO

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): FUCK IM GONNS PISS MY PANTS THATS PERFECTSFS

Jonathan: Sasha, why do you have photos of us, anyways?

♡Sasha♡: That’s a secret i’ll never tell ;)

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): it’s been done

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): look at it. stunning

Martin 🌿: oh jeez haha

Jonathan: I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with this.

Jonathan: Though I don’t believe I have a choice in the matter

♡Sasha♡: You don’t

Jonathan: Speaking of icons.

Jonathan: Tim, I’ll pretend to know what yours is, but Martin, why is yours just a cow?

Martin 🌿: oh! uh, they’re just cute, i guess?

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): his name is shadow the hedgehog put some respect on his name

Martin 🌿: i’ve always just loved a good fluffy cow i guess. plus it’s fitting for one of the other servers i’m in

Martin 🌿: also tim i—

Jonathan: Fair enough.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): okay wait do we want roles? i don’t think there’s much of a need since we all know each other and it’s just us

♡Sasha♡: We can come up with roles as we go

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): can i just give martin a role that says “baby boy”

Martin 🌿: 🥺 aaa tim you’re so sweet ily

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): ILY2 i have to compensate bc our boss hates you

Jonathan: I don’t hate Martin.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said about him 🥺

Jonathan: You act like I bully him or something.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): YOU DO THO

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): LIKE ACTUALLY? YOU DO

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): giving jon the role “bully” brb

Jonathan: Is that really necessary?

♡Sasha♡: Tim give me a role for queen of the stapler please

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): hell yes

Jonathan: ?

Martin 🌿: it’s an inside joke lol

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): just to even things out i’m giving myself the admin role

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): in case you guys decide to clown we all know who’s in charge

♡Sasha♡: Isn’t that technically still jon?

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): he may be in charge of our actual job but this is my server now bitch

Jonathan: You know what? Sure. Don’t let it get to your head.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): IM SCREENSHOTFING THIS BOSS JUST GAVE ME POWER YOU GUYS

Jonathan: Speaking of which, I am still your boss, and you all should try to actually get some work done.

Jonathan: Martin, I still need your follow-up report by the end of the day.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): uggggghhhhshdhdgsc fine

Martin 🌿: alright :)

♡Sasha♡: Ok i’m logging off for now

♡Sasha♡: Btw tim talk to me later about making plans

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): gotcha ;)))

* * *

**Direct Messages**

slut for maltesers: mahhhhtin

keats: yeah?

slut for maltesers: u know how ur gay

keats: painfully aware, yes.

slut for maltesers: LMAOFJDHS ok but sasha and i were talking about going out on friday after work and

slut for maltesers: we want to invite the boss

slut for maltesers: obv you are also invited, in case that wasn’t clear

keats: do you think he would even accept the offer?

slut for maltesers: probably not

slut for maltesers: it’s worth a try tho

slut for maltesers: i also just want to see him get drunk so bad i _have_ to know what kind of drunk he is

slut for maltesers: i know you want to know, too

keats: lol yeah

slut for maltesers: so r u cool if we invite him

keats: idk i just,,,i want to get to know him on a more personal level outside of work? but i also don’t want to do something stupid and embarrass myself

keats: you know?

slut for maltesers: i gotchu

slut for maltesers: my personal thoughts? you miss all the shots you don’t take

slut for maltesers: if u don’t step out of ur comfort zone a bit you’ll never get closer to him

keats: you know what? you’re right

keats: thank you tim <3

slut for maltesers: of course boo! get your man!

keats: skskdjdhshs

slut for maltesers: sasha’s gonna ask him cause he seems to tolerate her the most LMAO i’ll keep you updated ;)

keats: oki! i have to get back to investigating this statement so

slut for maltesers: o o f good luck

* * *

**archives gang, #general**

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): hey i know i talked to you all individually but! just a reminder! drinks tonight at 6:30 i sent you all the pub address x

Martin 🌿: thank you tim! :)

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): oh yeah @Jonathan i forgot to tell you but we’re all carpooling there if you want to join us

Jonathan: I have my own car, but thank you.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): we’ll meet you there then ;)

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): i’m still surprised ur coming tbh it’s gonna be a blast

♡Sasha♡: What can i say? I have my ways

Jonathan: I don’t exactly fancy social gatherings, but I suppose I have nothing better to do.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): you could have just said you like spending time with us

♡Sasha♡: Dont make him lie

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): DAMN OK

Martin 🌿: if it means anything, jon, i’m really glad you’re coming :)

Jonathan: Thank you, Martin.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): hee heeeeee

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): anyways see you guys later ;))))))

* * *

**archives gang, #general**

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): HEU THERE BITCHES just want too make sure you all got hhome aafe xoxo

Martin 🌿: i just got back to my flat so thanks ;)

Martin 🌿: :)* oops

♡Sasha♡: Yup! I’m heading to bed soon

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): ok good @Jonathan are you alivE

Martin 🌿: jon is good!

Martin 🌿: after you guys left i actually took the tube with him and walked him up to his flat

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): MARRIN

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): MARTUN CHECK YOUR DMS RIFHT NOW

♡Sasha♡: Aw, that’s good!

Jonathan: Yes, I was about to fall asleep before the ping

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): oop sorry boss man

Jonathan: Thank you again Maftin for accompanying me

Jonathan: *Maryin

Jonathan: *Martin

Jonathan: Fuck

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): AHAHAHAHSHSgdhdgsjdhfh

Martin 🌿: np! hope you had fun _(_ _Edited.)_

♡Sasha♡: Yeah it was a blast! Thank you guys again

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): martin i saw the heart emoji u adsed to that message dont try to hide it

Martin 🌿: it was an accident lol sorry

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): was it tho

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): also that video sasha got of jon doing karaoke is so important to me. i canf stop thinking about it

Martin 🌿: lol yeah

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): srry for the typos i cannotbe bothered rn

Jonathan: Goodnight

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): i see how it is

♡Sasha♡: Goodnight! 🥰

Martin 🌿: gnight !

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): gn~

* * *

**Direct Messages**

_(at the same time stamp as the above conversation)_

slut for maltesers: GAY ASS

keats: dgfghdhfhchdhfbdhdhdgs

keats: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

slut for maltesers: tell ms EVERYTHING

keats: well obviously jon is a lot more of a lightweight than i am, so when we walked out the pub door together he was stumbling a lot. i was worried about him hurting himself on the way home, but we found out we actually took the same train and his stop was on the way to mine

keats: so he was kinda leaning against my arm for support and grumbling under his breath and i nearly passed out lol but then we sat next to each other on the tube and when we got to his stop i asked if i could walk him to his flat to make sure he got home safe and surprisingly he said yes?

keats: so as we were walking up to his flat he was like “thank you for walking with me” and then when we got to his door he was like “i really appreciate everything you do even if i do a piss poor job at showing it” (well he said a bit more than that but that’s the main point) then he patted me on the shoulder and said he looked forward to seeing me monday and went into his flat and idk how he didn’t notice how much i was freaking out bUT

slut for maltesers: NO WAY

slut for maltesers: SAY SIKE RIGHT NOW

keats: can’t!!!

slut for maltesers: THERES BEEN CHARACTER DEBELOPMEKT?

slut for maltesers: he’s in love with u

keats: lol i really don’t think so

slut for maltesers: how do you know?

slut for maltesers: fuck dude i’m so haPPY FOR YOUDGDH not to mention the sweet sweet gift you got of jon singing queen on karaoke <3

keats: he has a really beautiful singing voice i was honestly surprised,, ////////

slut for maltesers: we gotta do this more often

keats: if he’s even willing to after this

slut for maltesers: who knows ;)

slut for maltesers: k im actually gonna go to bed gn boo x

keats: sleep well!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> now is probably a good time to bring up that the canon timeline means nothing to me and it’s my city now. anyways. lonely eyes divorce jokes hours.

**archives gang, #general**

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): FUCK

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): i hate it here

♡Sasha♡: What happened?

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): elias found out about this server and he wants me to add him

Martin 🌿: w h a t

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): bc he “wants to check in on us” and “make sure there are no issues”

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): aka he just wants to monitor what we’re doing

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): i’m gonna end it all

Martin 🌿: i’m surprised he even knows what discord is?

♡Sasha♡: Yeah…

Jonathan: Could you not argue that it’s a breach of privacy?

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): omg is our boss rebelling against his own boss?

Jonathan: I just don’t see why he feels the need to be a part of this. It’s not like he ever actually works down here.

Jonathan: Or even listens when I attempt to file a complaint.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): hell yeah drag his ass

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): ugh i probably should add him tho huh

♡Sasha♡: If you say no he might think we’re doing something suspicious

Martin 🌿: yeah :/

Jonathan: Fine.

Jonathan: Go ahead, I suppose.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): ugggggh okay everyone delete your elias hate messages i’m sending him the link

♡Sasha♡: Any last words?

Martin 🌿: see you guys on the other side

Jonathan: It’s not like you guys are dying.

Martin 🌿: i might

**_Elias Bouchard has arrived. Party’s over._ **

Elias Bouchard: Good afternoon.

tim: hey

♡Sasha♡: Tim you changed your name. That’s so sad

tim: you saw the welcome message

tim: anyways this is the archives staff discord server

Martin 🌿: Hello

♡Sasha♡: Oh? Is martin pulling out the capitalization?

Jonathan: Now you all decide to act professional?

Elias Bouchard: I apologize if it seems I am intruding on your personal space. I promise I will not disturb you all much. I am simply here to observe.

tim: sure

Elias Bouchard: Though, may I request to invite another person?

Jonathan: Tim, I could hear you groan from the other room.

tim: who?

Elias Bouchard: Peter Lukas is from one of the families which sponsors the institute. Him and I are fairly close as well, and I am sure he will not be a disturbance.

tim: fine. just copy-paste the link i sent you and send it to him

Elias Bouchard: Excellent. Thank you.

**_P. Lukas is here, as the prophecy foretold._ **

tim: hey

Martin 🌿: We’ve never met but hello?

Jonathan: Greetings.

Jonathan: Is that all, then?

Elias Bouchard: For now, yes. As you were.

tim: is he,,,gonna introduce himself?

Elias Bouchard: Peter is not always a talkative type. Give him some time.

tim: mmhm

Jonathan: Right. Back to work, everyone.

♡Sasha♡: Got it

* * *

**Direct Messages**

Elias Bouchard: Interesting username choice, Tim.

slut for maltesers: it’s none of your business

slut for maltesers: can i help you?

Elias Bouchard: I am actually here to request that you remove Peter from the Archives server.

slut for maltesers: wait why

slut for maltesers: didn’t you just add him?

Elias Bouchard: Well, something personal came up, and I believe it is best to not have the two of us in the same chat right now.

slut for maltesers: uh huh

slut for maltesers: you gonna actually explain what happened?

Elias Bouchard: It is a matter of our personal relationship. Surely, you can respect that.

slut for maltesers: oh

slut for maltesers: OH

slut for maltesers: got it ;)

Elias Bouchard: Thank you.

slut for maltesers: ok wait martin just messaged me apparently peter? is dming martin? and saying not to kick him out

slut for maltesers: what do i do about that i’m not using martin to go back and forth between you two

Elias Bouchard: Let me speak to him.

slut for maltesers: fine just don’t do it in the actual server

slut for maltesers: never fucking mind

* * *

**archives gang but epic, #general**

**_Welcome ♡Sasha♡. Leave your weapons by the door._ **

**_It’s dangerous to go alone, take keats!_ **

**_A wild Jonathan appeared._ **

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): okay

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): SO

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): original server got ruined by two old dudes getting a divorce or whatever the fuck. this is the new one

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): no elias allowed

♡Sasha♡: Lenny face is back! :D

Jonathan: So I’m guessing we just abandon ship and drop the old server?

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): i’ll leave it up as a decoy for elias but we’ll only talk in this one

Martin 🌿: funny you mention ships because peter lukas was a sailor lol

Jonathan: How do you know that?

Martin 🌿: he actually sent me a friend request and started messaging me? it was weird

Martin 🌿: he said elias had talked about me before and that he thought the two of us would get along well together

♡Sasha♡: _Chanting_ block him, block him

♡Sasha♡: I don’t trust that

Martin 🌿: yeah i’m just not gonna respond to him anymore lol

Jonathan: Probably for the best.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): yeah sorry about that guys

Jonathan: It’s not your fault.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): aww thank you boss 🥺

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): wait i need a new cursed image for the server icon

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): HOLD ON I HAVE ONE OF JON DOING KARAOKE LMAOVBDNDHS

Jonathan: I take back anything nice I said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story got a lot of attention after just one day and it makes me v happy !!! thank you to everyone who commented and gave kudos, it means a lot and i’m glad people are enjoying this, as silly as it is. <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they decide to add some pals. also, worms.

**archives gang but epic, #bots**

Jane Prentiss: _Thank you for inviting the Hive into your server._

_To receive worms, use the command j!worm_

Jonathan: Is that all it does?

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): yes

Martin 🌿: j!worm

Jane Prentiss: 🐛

Martin 🌿: nice

Jonathan: That’s a caterpillar.

♡Sasha♡: Don't be so judgmental

* * *

**archives gang but epic, #general**

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): should we invite more people to this?

Jonathan: Isn’t this just supposed to be the Archives staff?

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): i mean yeah but that’s boring

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): we can still talk about business in #work but then also have friends

♡Sasha♡: Does jon even have friends outside of work?

Jonathan: Yes, actually.

Jonathan: In fact, I’m currently staying at a friend’s flat while some work is done at mine.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): oh damn really?

Martin 🌿: what happened?

Jonathan: There was an infestation.

♡Sasha♡: Ah

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): blame jane bot lmao

♡Sasha♡: You should invite your friend @Jonathan! What’s their name?

Jonathan: Her name is Georgie. We knew each other back in college.

Martin 🌿: oh yeah, i think you mentioned her! wasn’t she in your band?

Jonathan: Yes, but we don’t talk about it.

Jonathan: We also dated, but that’s long behind us and she’s since found someone new.

Martin 🌿: oh

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): feel free to send her the link uwu

♡Sasha♡: Please never use uwu again

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): uwu uwu uwu

Jonathan: Alright. I’ll see if she’s interested.

Martin 🌿: okay

**_What The Ghost? 👻 just joined the server — glhf!_ **

What The Ghost? 👻: Hello!!!

♡Sasha♡: Hey!

Jonathan: It’s customary to make your display name your actual name.

Georgie 👻: Got it 👍

Georgie 👻: It’s nice to finally get to talk to you guys!!! Jon has told me all about you

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): glad to have you !

Martin 🌿: hello

♡Sasha♡: Martin can i message you real fast

Georgie 👻: Martin hi!!! Jon has told me so much about you!

Martin 🌿: oh

Martin 🌿: really?

Georgie 👻: Yeah! I was hoping I could meet you in person first, but this works too

Georgie 👻: Do you guys mind if I inviye my girlfriend Melanie? She’s really cool I promise

Georgie 👻: *Invite

♡Sasha♡: Sure!

Jonathan: I’m not sure she would want to be in a server with me.

Georgie 👻: Oh come on, she doesn’t hate you that much

Jonathan: Debatable.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): go right ahead

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): the more the merrier ;)

♡Sasha♡: Tim no

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): ;)))))))

**_Welcome, lesbian. We hope you brought pizza._ **

lesbian: sup

Georgie 👻: Hi~ 💛💛💛

lesbian: 💙

♡Sasha♡: Welcome! 

♡Sasha♡: We all have our display names set as our real names but it’s up to you

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): yoooooo

melanie: maybe my real name is lesbian

Jonathan: Then why did you change it?

melanie: no 💙

Georgie 👻: Melanieeee

melanie: i’m not talking to him 💙

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): lmaoooo melanie i love you already

melanie: see jon? i’m a fan favorite

Jonathan: Whatever.

melanie: anyways aren’t you guys supposed to be working?

♡Sasha♡: Shhhhhhhh

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): technically yes but i cannot be controlled

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): i will not let capitalism take my free will

Jonathan: You all should actually return to work. We can talk later.

♡Sasha♡: Fine :(

melanie: have fun capitalism boy

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): i won’t but thx

* * *

**Direct Messages**

_(at the same time stamp as the above conversation)_

♡Sasha♡: Hey bub are you okay?

keats: yeah, why?

♡Sasha♡: You just seemed kinda bummed out in the server

♡Sasha♡: If you don’t mind me asking, is it about georgie?

♡Sasha♡: Are you jealous?

keats: it’s really stupid

keats: because i shouldn’t be, you know? they broke up a long time ago

♡Sasha♡: I don’t think it’s stupid

♡Sasha♡: But i also don’t think you have anything to worry about

♡Sasha♡: Georgie is dating someone else now, and jon seemed over it

keats: yeah, i know

keats: and georgie seems nice! (also when she said that jon talks about me a lot,,,, /////)

keats: i can’t help but sorta resent her though? she got something with jon i’ll probably never get

♡Sasha♡: Tim is sitting next to me and he says to tell you you’re gay

keats: sjsjdjshsb whatever. i just need to get over it

♡Sasha♡: Let me know if you need anything <3

keats: thank you <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is shorter than i intended it to be but that’s because some stuff is gonna actually happen in the next one >:)
> 
> anyways thank you again to everyone leaving kudos + comments! i read them all and it always makes my day <3 also i’m trying to come up with an actual semi-cohesive plot for this (probably just gonna be jm fluff but who knows), so if you have ideas or characters you want to see, feel free to share!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> martin yearns and they invite some more pals. also tim is determined to get martin his rat man. melanie is disgusted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey sorry there was no update yesterday, i had something written but i decided i really didn’t like it so here is this instead :)  
> also i mentioned this in the tags but i’ll briefly explain it here: this is basically a no power au where a lot of the other avatars (i.e. jane) are server bots, with weird real-world coincidences to go along with the beats in the actual podcast.  
> anyways i hope y’all enjoy this chapter, and thank you sm for all of the comments !! i get overwhelmed trying to reply to them all, so count this as one big thanks to everyone who has <3

**archives gang but epic, #general**

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): @Martin 🌿 you’ve been listening to mitski on spotify for 2 hours

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): are you okay

♡Sasha♡: Shhhh, he’s yearning

melanie: and it’s only 7 pm? pathetic. learn to keep your yearning to 2 am crying sessions like the rest of us

Georgie 👻: Melanie, you’re in a relationship…

melanie: yes and?

melanie: i love you but last words of a shooting star hits different

melanie: plus i used to yearn a lot more and mitski was always there for me

Georgie 👻: Awww, wait, does that mean you used to yearn over me? That’s so sweet 💛

melanie: yes i helplessly pined over you it was sickening 💙

melanie: at least now that j*n is gone i don’t have to yearn over someone i’m already dating because her flat has an infestation of one (1) clown

♡Sasha♡: You know, jon is in the server

melanie: he can @ me then if he’s mad about it

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): jon is offline don’t worry this is a safe space

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): i think he’s still working at the archives 🤡

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): anyways mahtin i saw you typing but you didn’t answer me

Martin 🌿: i forgot discord shows what you’re listening to on spotify...don’t worry about it

Martin 🌿: is jon still there?? he should really get some rest

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): SEE YOUJUST WALKED DIRECTLY INTO THE POINT

melanie: what is happening

♡Sasha♡: He said he was staying overtime when i talked to him before i left

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): @melanie i’ll dm you >:)

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): dw about jon tho. i’m sure he can take care of himself

Georgie 👻: Debatable…

melanie: jon will attempt to take care of himself when mannequins start moving on their own

♡Sasha♡: You say that as if it’s impossible

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): sasha that’s terrifying

♡Sasha♡: ;)

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): what the FUCK

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): anyways, if we’re done talking about martin pining,

Martin 🌿: :(

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): we should arrange another pub night

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): bc i haven’t actually met some of u irl

Georgie 👻: Yessssss!!! I would love to meet you all in person!!

melanie: i’m down

melanie: actually on the subject can i add two other people? we can make it a big group night

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): go ahead

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): the only rule with inviting ppl is just don’t add our boss

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): _ever_

Georgie 👻: Do I want to know…?

♡Sasha♡: Nope

**_Swoooosh. BasiraHussain just landed._ **

**_Challenger Approaching - daisy. has appeared!_ **

BasiraHussain: Hey

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): welcome friends ;)

daisy.: Sup.

melanie: yo

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): ANYWAYS

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): drinks

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): y’all down?

daisy.: Well, I just met about 80% of the people in this server, so.

melanie: i’m going at least. you know me

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): that’s a yes from queen melanie

melanie: 👑

daisy.: Sure, but you won’t get me drunk.

melanie: i take that as a challenge

daisy.: It’s not.

melanie: bet

melanie: is basira gonna come?

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): basira can speak for herself

daisy.: She doesn’t text much, but I assume if I go, she will too.

daisy.: Doesn’t check her phone a lot. She, you know, actually reads books.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): wowwww such an intellectual

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): i don’t need books i have meme pages

♡Sasha♡: He is codependent on them

daisy.: Tragic.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): i can stop whenever i want sasha

Martin 🌿: i’m late but i’m in :D

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): hell yes

Georgie 👻: Don't worry, I’ll rope Jon in. It will be fun~!

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): alrighty lads it’s settled

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): drinks this friday >:)

♡Sasha♡: Heck yes!

* * *

**Direct Messages**

_(at the same time stamp as the above conversation)_

slut for maltesers: ok so to explain what’s up 

slut for maltesers: martin is gay

lesbian: figured. he listens to mitski

slut for maltesers: and he’s specifically gay for jon

lesbian: GROSS

lesbian: WHAT THE FUCK

lesbian: i’ll pray for his tastes damn

slut for maltesers: let him love his clown man in peace okay 😔

slut for maltesers: off topic but what do you have against jon anyways

slut for maltesers: is it just cause he used to date your gf or ?

lesbian: not really he just kinda pisses me off

slut for maltesers: i get that

lesbian: also once at georgie’s flat i broke a glass and a shard got stuck in my leg. jon tried to help

lesbian: keyword _tried_

slut for maltesers: oh bb i’m so sorry

lesbian: i still have a scar

lesbian: his hands shake like a dying old man

slut for maltesers: in his defence he basically is a cranky old man

lesbian: TRUE

slut for maltesers: still martin loves him

slut for maltesers: sigh

lesbian: a tragedy

slut for maltesers: ok maybe unpopular opinion but.. they might be cute together

lesbian: you think so?

slut for maltesers: i mean, jon is all edge and grumpy n such, and martin is like the actually nice one, soft at the edges kinda

slut for maltesers: sort of like a balancing act?

slut for maltesers: (not that u should underestimate martin as just some soft boi he is simply too nice for his own good sometimes)

lesbian: ahh

slut for maltesers: plus i’m sick of watching him pining so much, he deserves to get his man

lesbian: are you suggesting you take matters into your own hands?

slut for maltesers: actually

slut for maltesers: i am suggesting _we_ take matters into _our_ own hands

lesbian: ah fuck

lesbian: you’re roping me into this aren’t you

slut for maltesers: >;))

slut for maltesers: we just need to have a plan by drinks night

lesbian: mm, actually

lesbian: i think i’d like to use drinks night to observe

slut for maltesers: oh?

lesbian: you have the privilege of having watched them interact in person. i have not

slut for maltesers: ohh i see where ur coming from

slut for maltesers: so here’s our plan of attack

slut for maltesers: 1. drinks

  1. observation
  2. ?????
  3. profit



lesbian: pretty much, only the ‘profit’ is martin getting a boyfriend, and jon having the privilege of fitting into the equation somewhere even though he does not deserve it

slut for maltesers: hell. yeah

slut for maltesers: it’s settled ;)

lesbian: i can’t believe i’m doing this wtf


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it’s just gay shit you guys. that’s literally it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok before i come up with some piss poor excuse for weeks without updating, i went back and change some wording in previous chapters and i would like to apologize if anything i said came off as insensitive or racist. i promise it was not intentional whatsoever, but that doesn’t make it okay. thank you to the person who pointed it out (idk if they’re comfy being specifically called out or not but you know who you are, i suppose.)
> 
> ANYWAYS every time i tried to come up with an update for this story my brain started making the voidfish static noises so that’s why i’ve been putting it off for so long. i am a bit better now though and hopefully updates will be a bit more regular, though i doubt i’ll be able to go back to the daily updates.
> 
> anyways without further ado here is a new installment in this journey through val’s psyche. xoxo

**archives gang but epic, #general**

daisy.: I know it’s a long shot, but does anyone in this server listen to The Archers?

melanie: no i have the attention span of the admiral

melanie: i listen to what the ghost and that is it

daisy.: Well, I know you don’t.

Georgie 👻: 💛💛💛

melanie: 💙

Jonathan: I actually started recently.

♡Sasha♡: Wait really??

Jonathan: The Archives are an unsettling place to be when it’s dead silent in the middle of the night. Sometimes, the background noise is appreciated.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): ok i’m making a channel for you guys to talk about the archers cause i don’t want that shit tainting my general

daisy.: Fair enough.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): OH speaking of channels

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): did some big boi server management stuff recently and added a channel for announcements. i plugged the address for tonight in there

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): ALSO since we have more people now, i’ve given mod privileges to @Martin 🌿 bc he’s honestly more experienced than i am. be nice to him he has banning privileges now

Martin 🌿: !!! :) (i probably won’t ban you don’t worry)

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): _probably_

♡Sasha♡: Oh yeah, i remember martin mentioning he did some stuff for another server! What server is it if you don’t mind me asking?

Martin 🌿: oh! it’s kind of silly?

Georgie 👻: Nonsense!! We won’t judge

Martin 🌿: it’s a cottagecore server

melanie: @Jonathan i see you typing don’t you DARE ask what cottagecore is

♡Sasha♡: //It’s a subgenre of aesthetic that idealizes a rural lifestyle, so like, living in a cottage, owning cows and chickens, baking bread, tending to a garden, all that fun stuff

Martin 🌿: that’s. actually pretty spot-on?

Jonathan: Interesting.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): it’s also gay, and martin is, you know

♡Sasha♡: Take a shot every time tim calls martin gay

Jonathan: Your liver would fail. I’m fairly certain he’s said it multiple times this week.

Jonathan: At least, whenever I’m in the room with them.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): have u considered...there’s a reason

Martin 🌿: i should start making him give me a pound every time so i can pay off my debt

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): LMAODJDJDHDHSNSBD

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): FUVK IM CRYING DJFJDJSV

Martin 🌿: you’re allowed to though because you’re not straight

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): thank u 😔👊

daisy.: Tonight will be...interesting.

melanie: you can say that again

* * *

**archives gang but epic, #general**

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): psst did you guys get home safe

Martin 🌿: yes ! ty for asking i appreciate you

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): 💕💗💞💓💖💞💘

Martin 🌿: i am actually going to bed though so goodnight

♡Sasha♡: Goodnight martin!!! Im good btw

melanie: yes georgie and i are good

melanie: she’s finally in bed but not before mercilessly flirting with me 💙 i swear the entire ride home she wouldn’t stop clinging to my arm while simultaneously asking who “that cute girl with blue hair” is

melanie: not that i’m complaining

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): you guys are so cuteeeewe 🥺

melanie: thank you king i know 💙💙💙

melanie: speaking of cute,

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): DO YOY GET IT NOW

melanie: YEAH I DO

BasiraHussain: What are you guys talking about?

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): omg basira? being active in the server? more likely than you think

BasiraHussain: Daisy is driving

melanie: oh yeah i lost my bet that she was gonna get drunk the second she said she was designated driver lmao

melanie: anyways we’re talking abt jon and martin

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): yea ;)))))))

melanie: PLEASE tell me you’ve noticed basira

BasiraHussain: Bold of you to assume I haven’t

BasiraHussain: I mostly only have tonight to go off of, but Martin’s got it BAD

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): we been knew i work with them both

melanie: i would make a simp joke but martin doesn’t deserve to be associated with that culture 💙💙💙 he’s just gay and useless

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): if u think buying jon’s first drink and dotting over him as he goes to the tube is bad,,,.,honey you’ve got a big storm coming 

BasiraHussain: Oh no

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): @melanie martin is gay and useFUL thsnk you hes just bad with voicing his emotions don’t @ him 🥺

BasiraHussain: Is there any chance Jon would like him back? I mean, Jon seems pretty closed off and grouchy, and whatever, but I could sense some underlying softness there I think

melanie: oh yeah no definitely

melanie: i mean ik jon is ace but i don’t think that changes much

melanie: but also from my experience with him he is. not quick to face his own emotions

melanie: he’s quite opposed to it, actually 

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): jon is emotionally constipated ok just give him some space <333333 they’ll get there

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): oh shit speaking of which LMAOOBDHDHD oooooof

BasiraHussain: Is Jon online

BasiraHussain: ?

melanie: ah shit

melanie: everyone delete your gossip messages. party’s over

BasiraHussain: Chances are, he’s already read them

melanie: FUCK

melanie: should have taken it to dm smh

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): 🤡🤡🤡

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): hey boss if you’re reading this then my sincerest apologises just pretend you don’t see it plz xoxo

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): i am taking your presence as a sign that you made it home tho sooooo

melanie: i should probably head to bed anyways

BasiraHussain: Probably a safe call

melanie: @tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) i’ll dm you in the morning assuming i don’t have a terrible migraine

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): got it ;)))))))

melanie: gn gang and thank you for the drinks. let’s all pretend this convo didn’t happen 💙

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): <3 what convo <3

BasiraHussain: Goodnight everyone! Daisy wishes you all well by the way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the buildup to martin helping run a cottagecore server is some of the better foreshadowing i’ve done as of late and i hate that for me. also i’m sorry i do not know how to write basira but i am trying (also yes the scene in the latter half of this chapter was lightly based off the tape in canon of melanie and basira gossiping, only tim is there too because i care him)
> 
> comments and kudos are always v much appreciated!! thank you for reading <33 have a lovely day


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they invite the stranger to their server, and also some good convos about heartfelt emotions and sabotage :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok ok real quick i wanted to clarify that in the last chapter jon was close enough to everyone in that circle to be out to them, so melanie didn’t just out jon against his will. in case ppl were worried about that.
> 
> but aLSO after you’re done reading this chapter, it would make me very happy if you went and read a one shot i published the other day called “i’ve got a plan; i’ve got an atlas in my hands” (it feels weird typing that whole thing out but it’s from a song that’s very important to me). it’s just tender jm love confession and it’s an example of my actually serious writing lmao.
> 
> anyways i hope you enjoy this chapter :^) (btw there is some light banter about death but it’s nothing serious, i’m just putting a warning just in case)

**archives gang but epic, #bots**

🤹Nikola Orsinov🤹: **_“Don’t turn on the light.”_ **

**_Welcome to the Circus!_ **

**_Thank you for imviting the Stranger into your server! I can tell we will be good friends!_ **

**_Type the command >start to begin~_ **

**_For a list of commands, type >commandlist_ **

**_For more information, type >help_ **

**_🎠🎭🎪_ **

Jonathan: Well, that’s terrifying.

BassiraHussain: Interesting choice you’ve made here Tim

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): this bot got recommend to me by my brother danny okay

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): >start

🤹Nikola Orsinov🤹: 🎟

**_Here is your ticket, user tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)!_ **

**_The circus will be beginning soon~_ **

**_If any other users would like to join, use the command >admission._ **

♡Sasha♡: Eh why not

♡Sasha♡: >admission

🤹Nikola Orsinov🤹: 🎟

**_Here is your ticket, user ♡Sasha♡!_ **

Jonathan: Why is the icon a mannequin?

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): don’t be so judgmental smh

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): you should come play with us in the space jon!

Jonathan: I think I’m good out here.

♡Sasha♡: >commandlist

♡Sasha♡: Oh wow i just got the list in my dm’s and that’s a lot

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): yeah danny said it was p expansive

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): he ended up going down this whole rabbit hole with this magician called grimaldi or something

Martin 🌿: so is it like a roleplay bot?

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): i guess?

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): >commandlist

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): hmmm so many options

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): lmao what

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): >photo

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): NEVERMIND DONT DO THAT I JUST GOT SENT A PICTURE OF A BUNCH OF HUMAN WAX FIGURES AND I FUCKING SCREAMED I WISH I WAS JOKING

daisy.: I’m not sure this bot was a wise idea, but eh, I’m bored.

daisy.: >Admission

🤹Nikola Orsinov🤹: 🎟

**_Here is your ticket, user daisy.!_ **

daisy.: >Commandlist

daisy.: >Coffin

🤹Nikola Orsinov🤹: ⚰️

**_Here you are, user daisy.!_ **

**_Be careful in it!_ **

**_Courtesy of Breekon and Hope!_ **

**_To invite them to your server, go to_ ** **_this link_ ** **_._ **

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): ohh there must be some bots connected to this one? inch resting

daisy.: Are we just going to gloss over the fact that this bot just told me to get in a coffin?

♡Sasha♡: Wait what does this one do?

♡Sasha♡: >iseeyou

♡Sasha♡: **_Thank you for your help, user ♡Sasha♡!_ **

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): DID IT

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): DID THE STRANGER BOT JUST STEAL SASHAS IDENTITY

Jonathan: Identity theft is a serious crime, Nikola.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): AHAHAHAHAJSJAHAHA

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): FUCK OG MY GOD WH AT

♡Sasha♡: I’m logging off...wait should i specify that i’m the real sasha?

Martin 🌿: i mean i think we can tell because the icons are different but...lol

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): i cant believe this

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): stranger bot has no rights, i’ve decided

* * *

**Direct Messages**

Jonathan: Georgie, may I ask you something?

What The Ghost? 👻: Yea of course!!!! What’s up?

Jonathan: Have you been involved in any...I don’t know, gossip lately?

What The Ghost? 👻: Is this about that conversation in the archives server the other night?

What The Ghost? 👻: Look Melanie told me about it and she genuinely feels bad. She was tipsy, which I know isn’t a good excuse, but still

Jonathan: Yes, Melanie already messaged me, which is appreciated, and I believe she apologised to Martin as well. Though I have not talked to Martin much since that night.

Jonathan: I’ve decided not to worry about it too much. The past is in the past.

What The Ghost? 👻: Oh okay, that’s good I guess?

Jonathan: I’m more concerned about some of the subject matter that was discussed, I suppose?

What The Ghost? 👻: What, about Martin liking you? Please don’t tell me you’re surprised by it

What The Ghost? 👻: If you don’t want things to be awkward, just try not to bring it up! Martin is a very understanding guy, and I’m sure as time passes it will just be a funny memory ☺️

What The Ghost? 👻: Jon you’ve been typing for more than five minutes. You’re scaring me

What The Ghost? 👻: Ohhhh

What The Ghost? 👻: OHHHHHHHHH!

What The Ghost? 👻: I should have known!! How did I not notice??? You talked about him constantly when you were staying @ my flat!

Jonathan: Please don’t make this a bigger deal than it has to be.

What The Ghost? 👻: Right, sorry!

What The Ghost? 👻: You do like him though, right?

Jonathan: Perhaps? I’m hesitant to put a label on my emotions at the moment.

What The Ghost? 👻: Gotcha

Jonathan: It’s definitely something, though. I tried to ignore it for a few months, but after the incident the other night, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.

Jonathan: Bloody hell, I feel so pathetic. This shouldn’t be like some petty middle school crush. We’re adults.

What The Ghost? 👻: It’s cute though 🥰

What The Ghost? 👻: Besides, that’s how Melanie and I were! We kept doing collabs as an excuse to hang out, and then we’d just get all flustered each time. It was almost comedic

What The Ghost? 👻: Sorry, not about me

Jonathan: No, the examples are appreciated. This is different, though.

What The Ghost? 👻: How so?

Jonathan: I just don’t want to disappoint Martin, I guess? I’m worried that he’s built up some grand image of me, and that I won’t live up to it.

Jonathan: Plus, I’m not exactly the most likable person. I don’t even understand what he saw in me to begin with.

What The Ghost? 👻: Stop that

Jonathan: Stop what?

What The Ghost? 👻: No self deprecating bs

What The Ghost? 👻: You’re talking to someone who literally dated you for almost two years, remember?

Jonathan: In the past tense. You broke up with me for a reason.

Jonathan: In fact, I’m just now realizing how foolish it is to be asking an ex for romantic advice.

What The Ghost? 👻: Things were different then. We just weren’t compatible as romantic partners, and that’s okay

What The Ghost? 👻: Besides, what did you say about leaving the past in the past? I’m more than happy to help now

Jonathan: Right. Thank you.

What The Ghost? 👻: Ofc! 

What The Ghost? 👻: Anyways, my advice is that Martin clearly cares about you a lot, and I think it could be something special given time. Just maybe try talking to him? Don’t let the words of others get in the way

Jonathan: You have a good point, I suppose.

Jonathan: I will have to think on it. There’s a lot happening inside my head right now, and I think I need some time to sort through it all.

What The Ghost? 👻: Take all the time you need! I think Martin will be good at waiting 💛

Jonathan: Thank you again, Georgie.

What The Ghost? 👻: Not a problem! Glad I could help

* * *

**Direct Messages**

slut for maltesers: martin is finally about to commit a murder

lesbian: of who?

slut for maltesers: WHO TF DO YOU THINK

lesbian: ah

lesbian: you?

slut for maltesers: ok ok sOOOODJDBDF

slut for maltesers: i thought he would message me about the other night at some point, especially bc i messaged him first apologising since it was kinda out of line

lesbian: as did basira and i. we promised not to have a repeat of it though, and he responded to me ?

slut for maltesers: BC YOU DONT WORK WITH HIM

slut for maltesers: this mans decided to wait until THIS FINE MONDAY MORNING to come up to me in the break room and ask in his sweetest fuckin voice like “tim do you want to go to cafe with me today? :DD” and i knew

slut for maltesers: i just KNEW

slut for maltesers: anyways i have 45 minutes left to live xoxo

lesbian: you’ll be missed

lesbian: make sure to keep thotting it up in heaven

slut for maltesers: it’s what i do best 😔👊

lesbian: well you’ll at least be happy to hear that today georgie made an off handed comment about “jon never knowing what to do with his emotions” and maybe i’m reading too much into this but

melanie: maybe she knows something we don’t about how jon feels

slut for maltesers: oh no i know jon is in love with martin

slut for maltesers: how could he not be

slut for maltesers: martin walked into the break room this morning, yknow right before i found out my time of death,

lesbian: lmao

slut for maltesers: and jon, sitting there sipping his black coffee that i’m pretty sure he does just to look pretentious, straight up STOPPED BREATHING AND SPLIT HIS COFFEE ALL OVER HIS SHIRT COLLAR LMAOFJDHS

slut for maltesers: it made my day

lesbian: LMAOOOOOO

lesbian: okay wait i might have an idea

slut for maltesers: oh????? 👀

lesbian: so obviously we can’t speak for them on their emotions

lesbian: we just need to get them to stop tiptoeing around each other and talk

slut for maltesers: inch resting inch resting

slut for maltesers: are you suggesting a setup of some kind?

lesbian: we just need to get them alone for a bit

lesbian: maybe we have a game night or something and all of us _conveniently_ have to step out to do something

slut for maltesers: ,,,,,,,

slut for maltesers: queen, you have done it again

lesbian: 👑

lesbian: so does the game night idea work orrr?

slut for maltesers: yessss it’ll be hella fun and then eventually during the night we’ll find some sort of diversion >:)

lesbian: sick

lesbian: georgie has mario kart 8 if you wanna do it at her place

slut for maltesers: OH FUCK YES

slut for maltesers: screw the plan i’m gonna beat ur ass

lesbian: assuming you survive your cafe break with martin 💀

slut for maltesers: LMAOOOO true true

slut for maltesers: speaking of which i should probably finish up my work so i’m ready for it 🤡

slut for maltesers: we can set up a time and date for game night later though ;))))

lesbian: bet 💙

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s my tma au and i get to make danny stoker alive. also yes the stranger bot functions as both nikola and not!sasha in this as it’s kind of just a stand in for the stranger as a whole. we’re feeding two birds with one bird feeder, lads.
> 
> kudos + comments are always appreciated! <3 sorry if i don’t reply to all of them i get very easily overwhelmed oof


	7. quick out-of-universe update + shameless self promo

hey all this is the author of the story here for a quick a/n chapter. i know you guys are probably disappointed this isn't a proper chapter, BUT i promise i have not given up on this story yet. i just have lacked proper ideas to get the creative juices flowing. don't worry tho--you will eventually get mario kart night. i swear on my life you will. even if you have to wait like another month or two for it.

but uh my life has been fucking wild recently cause i started online school at a new school (i'm a hs senior) and my best friend moved in with me to get out of a bad situation sO it's been very hectic and my mental health has kinda started to tank from it. 

but !!! the biggest thing that has been taking up literally every second of free-time i have!!! is that i have a podcast!

yes you read that right i have evolved from tma shitpositng/tim stoker keyboard smashing to writing an actual audio drama.

(and i could not find the ao3 policy on promoting shit but i'm not making any money off of this podcast so pls let me live,,)

anyways it is called The Heart of Ether! it is a mystery/horror pod told through irene gray's audio logs to her missing girlfriend. she then begins using the audio logs to catalog her bizarre findings in the mysterious town she moved to for work. it has gay people, lots of angst, me being angry @ boomers, and hot monsters, so i think it's everything you could ask for in a podcast.

// if you like tma, taz: amnesty, and alice isn't dead, then you might like this show !! ;^)

the trailer & episodes 1 + 2 are available on spotify, soundcloud, itunes, and youtube. you can find content warnings and transcripts on our tumblr @ heartofether (that username is the same for our twitter) and talk about the show using # heart of ether pod on social medias + tell your friends abt the show !! i have put so much work into this show, and as the story progresses the show quality will go up as well, and i have a lot of talented friends involved in the project as well. 

so uh please go follow us and listen to the show + share it with people because a successful launch would mean the world to us <33 i feel kinda bad taking advantage of how popular this fic is, but knowing you guys are tma fans, i think our podcast is right up your alley. 

anyways new chapter of this story soon hopefully, just gotta wait until i have ideas and feel a bit better + have more free time. thank you so much for all of your kudos and nice comments. they really do make my day.

see you soon!


	8. Chapter 7 actually

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the cranky crew adds a music recs channel. melanie and tim continue to plan their mario kart party. gay people real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that’s right, folks. you read that right. this is actually a proper chapter. the boys are back in town.
> 
> anyways sorry in advance for any inconsistencies i haven’t written this story in months djfvdgd 
> 
> (in case i didn’t already clarify that this is pre-pandemic, here is me clarifying that this story is pre-pandemic. be safe y’all)

**archives gang but epic, #announcements**

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): @everyone were having a mario kart party at georgie’s flat and you’re all legally obligated to come >:)

Jonathan: Were as in the past tense? You  _ were _ having it?

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): omfg 

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): hi my name is jonathan sims and i hate fun

Jonathan: I’m sorry I know basic grammar, Tim.

Martin 🌿: he meant “we’re” lol

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): i’ll tell u what sherlock holmes u are incredible 

Jonathan: I figured as much.

Georgie 👻: Yes Mario kart party at my flat!!!!! Bring snacks plz, it’s gonna be a blast!!! 💖

melanie: i’ll be there too btw

melanie: i mean obviously it was kind of my idea

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): hey it was my idea too ;)

melanie: right right ;)

Martin 🌿: it sounds fun! i’ll bring crisps! :D

Georgie 👻: Thank you Martin!!

Jonathan: I think I’ll pass.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): WHAT

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): NO

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): you’re legally obligated you have to come 🔫

Georgie 👻: Yeah come on Jon! It will be fun!!

Jonathan: This isn’t even work-related. I don’t know why you’re putting it in the Archives server.

♡Sasha♡: To be fair, this isn’t really a work server anymore…

melanie: jon cmon don’t be a hard ass

♡Sasha♡: I would like to go to the party btw! It sounds fun!

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): hell yes sasha 😎

Jonathan: I just haven’t been in the mood for partying. Lots of work. Apologies.

Martin 🌿: guys you can’t force him to go

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): MARTIN YOU TRAITOR

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): UR NOT HELPING 

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): >:(

melanie: okay jon what do i have to do to get you to go

Jonathan: There’s nothing you can do. I’m not going.

melanie: the admiral is gonna be there

melanie: even if you don’t want to play, you can’t just  _ not _ stop by and say meowdy

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): BAHAHADHFG

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): MEOWDY WHAT THE FUCK IM WHEEXIHG

Jonathan: Fine. Since you all want me to attend so bad, I will at least stop by to see the Admiral.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): hell yes

Jonathan: I hold high respect for that cat.

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): is that what i have to do to get some respect around here

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): do i have to become a cat boy

♡Sasha♡: TiM

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): should i just put on the fucking maid dress

Martin 🌿: tim nO

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): IM ALREADY A FUCKING JOKE TO YOU GUYS

melanie: LMAOOOOO

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): MIGHT AS WELL WERE ALL GONNA DIE ANYWAYS

Jonathan: You know what I don’t think I want the context.

Martin 🌿: you really dON’T

Martin 🌿: also tim while i’m here, can we make a channel for music recs?

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): hell yes

Martin 🌿: neat!!

Georgie 👻: Can’t wait to see you guys at the Mario kart party 🥰

melanie: same >:)

* * *

**archives gang but epic, #music-recs**

Martin 🌿: anyways my favorite song right now is smoke signals by phoebe bridgers you all should go listen to it :)

♡Sasha♡: Omg yes!!!! I love phoebe!

Martin 🌿: she’s so good!!

melanie: do you guys even try to be happy /j

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): LMAOO no i’ve started listening to phoebe and lucy dacus every day 😎

melanie: oh ok mental illness has entered the chat i see

Martin 🌿: shfvdhsgs

melanie: boygenius does hit different though ngl

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): it really does huh

Jonathan: @Martin 🌿 I’m listening to the song you recommended.

Jonathan: It’s very pretty.

Martin 🌿: :0 thank you dhfvdvs it’s one of my favorite songs atm

Jonathan: I can see why.

Jonathan: There’s a lot of emotion in it.

Jonathan: I like the lyric, “I didn’t know you then, and I’ll never understand why it feels like I did.”

Martin 🌿: same :’))

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): ||omg gay people real?||

Georgie: Lol can I recommend Jon and I’s college band here?

Jonathan: No you may not.

Georgie: Go stream the Mechanisms everyone 😌💖

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): LMAO BET

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): following them on spotify rn

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): WAIT BOSS IS THAT

tim ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): IS THAT ACTUALLY YOUR VOICE

* * *

**Direct Messages**

slut for maltesers: THE CONVO IN THR MUSIC RECS CHANNEL 😳

slut for maltesers: GAY PEOPE REAL?????

lesbian: gay people real!!

slut for maltesers: god i got so scared when jon said he wasn’t going to the party earlier LMAOGBDGDBD

lesbian: yeah same hh

slut for maltesers: we got em in the end though 😎

lesbian: hell yeah we did

lesbian: now all we can do is hope the plan works

slut for maltesers: i’ll quit my job if it doesn’t 😎😎😎

slut for maltesers: jk we all know i can’t do that 

lesbian: you good?

slut for maltesers: not really tbh 🤪

slut for maltesers: i’ve been going thru it this past week and i’m fr kinda sick of ppl treating me like a joke 🤪🤪

slut for maltesers: it is what it is tho 🤪🤪🤪

lesbian: hey, if you ever need to talk, you can always reach out

lesbian: i mean i’m not great at offering emotional support, but i can try

lesbian: everyone in the archives server cares about you too

slut for maltesers: thanks man

slut for maltesers: i’ll be fine it’s just. yeah ❤️

lesbian: i get what you mean

lesbian: anyways, we should probably work on planning the party >:)

slut for maltesers: hell yes >;))))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys i did it!!! i finally updated!!! i know this chapter is a bit short but this is just so i could get back into the swing of things :’))) meanwhile if you guys have any ideas for things you want to happen, feel free to comment them, since the story is still kinda open
> 
> anyways i won’t spend too long talking about my personal life, but i would like to be open with you guys about what’s been going on and why i haven’t been updating. as previously stated i have been working on a podcast called the heart of ether that i would really appreciate if you all listened to. lots of work and lots of love has been put into that show so far, and episode 7–in my personal opinion one of our best episodes yet—came out yesterday.
> 
> on top of that, life in general has been super fucking stressful—not just for me but for my loved ones—and also i got diagnosed with ocd recently, so i’ve been trying to cope with that.
> 
> it still makes me happy to see people commenting on this story and giving it kudos, even after all this time. thank you all so much for your patience. i hope this chapter was okay. i can’t guarantee when i’ll update again, but hopefully the wait will be much shorter than it was before.
> 
> thank you all sm, kudos and comments are always appreciated! <3

**Author's Note:**

> i honestly don’t have a plan for this but i’ll update it as i get ideas. i already have a few more chapters laid out so ;))
> 
> anyways kudos + comments are always neat, and you can find me on tumblr @ earlharlans. thank you for reading whatever tf this is. also i promise there will be actual writing in here at some point and like. little a plot as a treat. this is mostly just me trying to cope tho so don’t expect mucH.


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